by Judi
In “the biz” (ugh, I hate me too) we call this “synergy.” Basically, what it boils down to is a scene between the studio head, the executive producer of a TV show and the guy at the record label. They all talk and laugh and order shrimp and then they discuss ways where the people who watch TV can also buy the single for a popular song or “pop song” as we say in the, erm, world.
Sometimes, it’s not for commercial reasons. Sometimes, it’s purely because the auteur behind the scene (hating myself even more, didn’t think it was possible) just feels like this is the song that needs to be played. Like that Don Henley song “New York Minute” that plays at the end of the West Wing episode “Somebody’s Going to Emergency…” as Sam Seaborn calls his philandering dad. Surely, Aaron Sorkin wasn’t trying to squeeze a few extra bucks out of us for Don Henley. He just felt like that song was appropriate, we would assume, since a lyric from the song sparked the episode title.
Anyway, sometimes it works and sometimes it’s just a hilarious, BRILLIANT example of how studio heads will do anything for a few extra bucks. LET’S CELEBRATE THEM ALL. Because it’s Friday and it’s time for TV.
5. Grey’s Anatomy featuring Snow Patrol’s “Chasing Cars”
And sometimes, the show makes the band. A friend of mine, we’ll call her Bic as she likes pens and for no other reason, told me a story once about Snow Patrol, about how they were milling about backstage after or before one of their shows and TR Knight wandered in to say hello. The band was polite and TR left and one of the Snow Patrol guys asked the room who that was. When the answer, “The guy from ‘Grey’s Anatomy’” came, Snow Patrol guy’s eyes widened. “Oh. That show made us quite famous here, didn’t it?” Yes, British guy. Yes, it did.
Snow Patrol’s songs are famously theatrical. It’s part of the reasons why some people hate them but mostly why I like them, because when I listen to them I can pretend like I’m in a movie trailer about a plucky blogger who watches TV all day and sometimes forgets to wash the conditioner out of her hair. Or I listen to them and remember when Denny died and the many moons ago when I still liked Katherine Heigl and this show.
4. The Wonder Years featuring Bob Seger’s “We’ve Got Tonight”
Welcome to the song/TV moment that genuinely makes me cry. I remember vividly watching this unfold, watching poor Kevin Arnold climb onto the roof, peering into Winnie Cooper’s bedroom as she lay recovering from that bad car accident, and listening to this song play softly in the background. I remember thinking, “This is the prettiest song I’ve ever heard in my life.” I was 23 years old. Ok, no, I was like ten.
On a somewhat-related note, why can’t I buy this song on iTunes? Seriously, what is the deal? Every once in a while, I go to the store, look for the song and come up empty. Is it so WRONG to want “We’ve Got Tonight” and “Hollywood Nights” in my life? I’m not looking for an anthology or anything here.
3. Beverly Hills 90210 featuring Color Me Badd
Welcome to the song/TV moment that I actually CANNOT WATCH THE WHOLE WAY THROUGH. If cringing were an Olympic sport, I’d have four Gold medals and Michael Phelps’ bong in my hands right now.
That being said, what a fantastic episode. Every fan of the 90210 canon (that’s right, I called it a fucking canon) knows the Color Me Badd episode, and for good reason as this is the episode where we discover that Donna Martin’s uber-stuck-up mom is having an affair at the very same hotel where Donna’s favorite “band” is staying. “Group”? “Collection of soul-wrenching awful, complete with soul-patch?” “Possessors of THE MOST AMAZING PHOTO EVER TAKEN?”
For the uninitiated, if you’ve been wondering where the inspiration for “Dick in a Box” comes from, meet the Granddaddies. Oh, and try to watch this video without wanting to slap Kelly in the face.
2. Golden Girls featuring Sonny & Cher’s “I Got You Babe”
What happens when one gay icon impersonates another? Does the world just start caving in on itself? If so, fine. I’ll be sucked into the center of the earth with this number playing on my iPhone and I will be cackling all the way.
It’s Bea Arthur’s deadpan that just destroys me and her movements are down. Ugh, I miss her. If anyone needs me, I’ll be over here sending chocolates and vitamins to Betty and Rue.
1. Dawson’s Creek featuring Paula Cole’s “I Don’t Wanna Wait”
Dawson’s Creek, the first major show for the fledgling WB network, was also the first show I could remember that played a LOT of pop music in place of an instrumental score. It also went one step further, revealing at the end of the episode the name and artist for the featured songs in the episode (now copied by a lot of CW shows, including Glee). And while most of them are ’90s pop relics and one-hit wonders that no one ever heard of again, there is no greater ’90s pop relic than this one. As soon as you hear Paula Cole’s wail about waiting and what-not, you are immediately sent back to this- a J. Crew commercial disguised as opening credits.
In 1963 this extremely annoying song reached #4 on the American Billboard Hot 100, (forcing me to assume that when it came to entertainment, the people of the 1960’s were none too discerning). After the episode was released in the UK in April 2009, the song reached #50 on the UK charts, a feat it failed to do when it was released in 1963 (when British people apparently still had standards). At any rate, this episode is hilarious (possibly my favorite) and it’s all because of this ridiculous song. Peter hears the song while the Griffins are out to eat at an authentic 50’s diner and the owner/manager allows him to take the record home because they were about to throw it away (with good reason). It quickly becomes Peter’s new favorite thing and the ONLY thing he can focus on. Brian and Stewie steal the record while he’s sleeping and destroy it Office Space style, before going to every record shop in town and scooping up every copy so that they will never have to hear this golden oldie again. You didn’t know about this? So what you’re saying is that you haven’t heard. . . 
Cold war era German protest song; Deceased grandmother’s last recording of sentimental lullaby? Nena; Nana? What’s the difference? When mayhem and chaos plague New York City (due to some uneducated drivel Tracy spews during his interview on Larry King Live) Liz Lemon requires an escort to Long Island City to fetch her cell phone, which she left in a cab. She drags Kenneth along and the debate begins as to whether they’re REAL friends or if Liz just uses him when she needs something. (He’s a nice guy and all, but can anyone REALLY be friends with Kenneth?) What Kenneth doesn’t know (apart from all social cues) is that Liz desperately wants to retriever her phone because the cabbie that found it, also found “adult” pictures of Liz on it! Here’s the part where Liz makes up a fantastic lie that involves not only a dead grandmother, but a 26 year old international pop phenomenon.
That’s right, a show that’s been on for less than two months is making my list AGAIN. And even though my street cred is about to plummet, I do enjoy a little “Single Ladies” in my life (ask Judi why she does or does not hate this song) ESPECIALLY when it’s used in a montage of shameless candid photos from a night of middle-aged mayhem. Remember how the movie The Hangover kind of sucked, but it redeemed itself during the credits when they showed the photo montage of everything that happened during their collective blackout? Well this scene in Cougar Town is sort of like that, hilarious and fun (but without a two-hour build of up “I wish Vince Vaughn was in this movie”).
Brian Posehn and Steve Agee play the unlikely “gay neighbors” on The SSP. This video game/pot/TaB/heavy metal loving duo are hardly your typical gay BFF’s. They’re a bit slovenly, argue all the time and smoke entirely too much marijuana (if that’s possible). What’s important though, is that they know and love each other, or so Steve thought. When Brian starts taking daily walks to “listen to metal on his iPod” Steve becomes a little suspicious. And then he discovers something WONDERFUL: The Spin Doctors’ “Two Princes” is the ONLY song on Brian’s iPod. Meaning, he has been listening to this song EXCLUSIVELY for god knows how long, while walking around town skipping to the beat.
No other pop song is so ingrained in my memory as not a pop song, but the song that “D.J. and Stephanie stayed up late to watch on television.” Talk about being in desperate need of a Tivo! Or hell, a VCR!! When Danny FORBIDS Deej and Steph from staying up late to watch “Tiffany: Live from Tokyo” Joey could have just taped the event, allowing the girls to watch it later. But then we wouldn’t have gotten the angry father catches pajama clad tweens dancing with his irresponsible best friend whom he doesn’t even pay to watch his children. And what time was this damn concert on anyway? She’s “LIVE” from Tokyo, yet, it’s roughly 10 p.m. in San Francisco? That makes it what? 3 p.m. in Tokyo? What kind of shitty mid-afternoon show is this? And who stays up late to see Tiffany “perform” anyway? Couldn’t you just listen to the tape before bed and call it a day? CHILDREN BEEEHAAAAAAAVE. . . .or Joey’s going to GET TOUGH!
Show: Dallas
Interestingly (or maybe not so much) this is my LEAST favorite episode of this show. Now that’s not to say this episode wasn’t good, because it was, it just always pissed me off when I was really in the mood for some teen angst and flannel and what I got was a bizarre ghost story. If I remember correctly, legend has it that some punk kid in the 1960’s (whose 90’s counterpart is obviously Jordan Catalano) named Nicky Driscoll attempted some prank in the high school gymnasium and fell off the ceiling rafters only to be impaled by a high-heeled shoe on the floor. (I’m pretty sure I didn’t make this up). The spookiest part? Angela totally finds a library book he once checked out! And for the rest of the episode, sees his ghost around the school. Wait a minute? Was this a very special episode? Was this “The One Where Rayanne Drops LSD in Angela’s Sunny-D?” Because it might as well be. Let’s also not forget that kid sister Danielle dresses up as Angela to go trick-or-treating with cat/rat/slut Sharon, Rayanne and Brian sleep together (literally sleep) in the boiler room at school and Mr. and Mrs. Chase make everyone throw up with their gratuitous, I’ll just leave it at that.
Well, it wouldn’t be a party at the Crane’s if it wasn’t pretentious, uncomfortable and psuedointellectual and a costume party should be no exception, which is why Frasier decides to throw a douchey “dress as your hero” party, that no one wants to attend, as evidenced by the fact that no one but Niles, Martin, Daphne and Roz attended. (Really think about that. Imagine if you threw a PARTY and the only people that came were your brother, your father, your father’s housekeeper and your pathetic co-worker. Time to re-evaluate your life). At any rate, Frasier dresses up like Sigmund Frued because he’s obvious and a tool, Martin dresses as Joe DiMaggio, Niles as Martin (in a blatant attempt to suck up, but, because it’s a sitcom this obviously takes a comedic 180), Daphne as Elton John (what?) and Roz as, wait for it, Wonder Woman. Initially, she pretends that she misunderstood and thought the party was a superhero party, but later we discover that in fact, Roz’s hero is actually Wonder Woman–It must feel awesome to get mocked at a party where you were the only person attending that is not directly related and/or employed by the host.
Bank robbery hostage situation combined with Halloween? Uh, yes please! I’m a little fuzzy on the details, but for some reason Steve Urkel and Laura Winslow make their way into the bank on the evening of October 31 just as some crooks roll in for a stick up. What business two 9th graders had at the bank of an evening, we’ll never know. The important thing is that Laura is rocking a terrific Tina Turner get up and poor cheese-loving Steve, dressed as Superman, fails to save the day (enter the fattest Chicago P.D. ever Carl Winslow). Oh, and if you thought Laura’s costume was impressive, get a load of Judy’s (Ms. Jackson’s if you’re nasty), which is the most authentic looking child’s Halloween Costume I have ever seen.
Talk about a fun old fashioned Halloween! The Weir’s and their friends really bring it! Mom’s in the kitchen baking festive cookies that all the trick-or-treaters are tossing on her lawn for fear of poison and razor blades. Dad’s bitching about every aspect of the holiday. Lindsay’s ditching her mom and their annual tradition of handing out treats together in corresponding costumes to engage in local mayhem with her friends and little Sam is dressing up in a makeshift robot costume and going trick-or-treating with two other virgins-for-life who’ve dressed as Charlie Chaplin Hitler and the Bionic Woman. Things get tricky when Lindsay inadvertently targets Sam in her Halloween havoc by nailing him with a couple of eggs, RUINING his Halloween night. Oddly, Lindsay felt awful about hitting her little brother and his cohorts with eggs and hustled home to finish handing out treats with her mother in lieu of smashing mailboxes and pumpkins with her friends. Sam [probably] went to his room, removed the silver painted cardboard box from his person and cried like a bitch.
It would have been easy to populate this list exclusively with episodes of Roseanne. When it came to the Halloween Special, this sitcom was not fucking around. Along with The Simpsons, the program really cornered the market on spooktacular (Oh, I just had to use that word at some point. HAD TO) specials. In this installment from season 4, the Queen of Halloween lures her stick-up-her-ass neighbor Kathy Bowman into the house so that she will discover Dan’s bloodied body on the kitchen table with his guts hanging out. Rosie cruelly enters the room with a bloodies shirt, wielding a rather large knife, scaring the bejesus out of Kathy, forcing Roseanne to spend the rest of the night stalking Kathy at the Lodge costume party, in order to quell any attempt at revenge. The greatest scene in this episode however, is Dan and Roseanne’s vaudevillian-esque dead ventriloquist show, it “kills” me every time!
