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Archive for January, 2009

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– Lost: Love that Desmond named his kid Charlie. That kid Faraday (Maggie Gyllenhaal’s fiance from Secretary, aka the the twitchiest actor EVER) is really starting to get on my nerves. I get it, brainy people are very nervous and stutter a lot but do you see how infuriating it is to watch this for a full hour? Also, I swear to God, Lost execs, if you do anything to Desmond and Penny I will, um, say something really nasty about you on the Interweb.

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– Roseanne on Nickelodeon: God, I love the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” episode, even if Mariel Hemingway dances like a retarded chicken at the gay club. Also, was it really necessary to name the club Lips? It’s filled with lesbians, we get it. Why don’t you just name it “Vagina?”

– Wings: That episode where Brian almost marries that random, crazy lady in the airplane? Were you people on coke while writing that episode? First Antonio sighting, however, that was exciting. Also, this is the best Myspace profile EVER.

– I forgot to watch Fringe AGAIN. I guess that’s over.

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– High School Musical is filled with so many gay kids and why am I the only person disturbed that Ashley Tisdale wants to play the romantic lead in the school musical opposite her super gay brother? Also, thank you Netflix for not delivering my DVDs in clear plastic otherwise I would’ve been super embarrassed about putting HSM on the old queue. I think someone over there used to work for the porn mag industry…

– Burn Notice: Thanks for the new episode especially since FOX is trying to ruin my life by spacing new Bones episodes about three weeks apart (ARGH). You might want to retool a few things though. This show is not as good as it used to be (still way better than Psych though, sorry Dad.)

The one on Brett's right- her crotch is totally itching up a storm right now.

The one on Brett's right- her crotch is totally itching up a storm right now.

– It’s been three years and I still want Beal to audition for Rock of Love: Chlamydia Tour of Love.

-Judi

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What the hell is this show? Who would produce a television program based on the comic stylings of Anthony Andersen? Is this for real? I’m absolutely not sitting through an entire episode, but what I gather is that Anthony lives at home with his parents and his young son. There is also a brother or cousin living there, apparently to increase the comedic value.

And wait, what? Jenny McCarthy is guest starring as the kid’s piano teacher? I thought she was better than that. “She’s so cute, I’d hold her hand at a Klan meeting,” cousin/brother announces in the beginning. How long am I going to have to wait for a “Where the white women at?” joke? Ugh, this show is terrible. Anthony, go back to Deering High School and entertain me as the fat black athlete who plays second string to a white girl on the basketball court. Now thats good television.

–BEAL

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Howard Epps- serial killer: I owe you thanks too.

[Reaches for Brennan’s hand. She slams it down on the table, breaking his wrist]

Bones: You going to arrest me for assault?

Boothe: From what I saw, purely self-defense.

[They walk away from Epps.]

Bones: Maybe I shouldn’t carry a gun.

Boothe: Hell, you can have mine.

Bones on TNT

– Judi

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God knows what Jimmy Carter was talking about on Larry King Live last night, because I couldn’t get past the fact that the former president now looks exactly like the late Don Knotts. I’m sure he was spewing some presidentialy advice for the new commander in chief, but all I heard was, “Jaaa-aacckk, Chhuuurriis -iiss-ssyy, Jaaaan-u-eettt!!!!!” Or Carter performing Mr. Furley’s former job of throwing Otis in the drunk tank every night. And actually, I’d be shocked to learn that Jimmy Carter didn’t have a guest spot on “Matlock.”

Please tell me that this means Jimmy Carter is starring with Dakota Fanning in an upcoming remake of “The Apple Dumpling Gang.”

–BEAL

I used to LOVE the Incredible Mr. Limpet when I was a kid.

Judi

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Courtesy of the AV Club. I love you, AV Club, this is awesome…

Leonard Pierce
January 28, 2009

Mayim Bialik established herself in the public consciousness at the tender age of 15, when she landed the lead role in the 1990 sitcom Blossom. Initially catching its audience because of a favorable time slot, Blossom became a success on its own merits thanks to its clever format, winning cast, and emphasis—unusual for the time—on two female characters in the lead roles. Bialik guest-starred in a number of the biggest television comedies of the day, worked with Woody Allen before her 21st birthday, and inhabited, in Blossom Russo, a character who became synonymous with the phrase “a very special episode.” After largely leaving show business behind to concentrate on her academic career, Bialik staged a mini-comeback in recent years, appearing in Fat Actress and Curb Your Enthusiasm. Blossom is finally seeing a DVD release, as Bialik finds her place in a new Hollywood.

Beauty And The Beast (1987)—”Ellie”

Mayim Bialik: That was done by the same company that produced Blossom. I would have been 11 or 12, I think—right around the time I started acting. I remember… not much. I remember having to wake up early, and I was playing an underground urchin-child, so I had to wear a lot of heavy clothing.

I actually remember that John Laroquette episode she was on. Read the rest of the interview and good times here.

– Judi

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Roseanne: Wrong, that is exactly why you’re going back there. You’re in big trouble, and your punishment is not going to be sex with your boyfriend.

Darlene: Well obviously you’ve never had sex with my boyfriend.

David [shuffling off]: Good thing I no longer live with my abusive mother.

If I don’t get a job, Season 6 of Roseanne and Nickelodeon are totally to blame.

– Judi

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Sitcoms on cable networks are one of my favorite and least favorite developments of the past few years. Shows like “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” on FX and though, have set the bar for cable sitcoms, very high. But then, shows like “10 Items or Less” drop my expectations to close to nothing. “My Boys” provides a happy medium and is the cable sitcom to which I judge most others by. That being said, “Rita Rocks” on Lifetime, is a winner. 

Starring Nicole Sullivan of MadTV fame, this show doesn’t only not make me cringe, but also, actually makes me laugh. Generally non-network sitcoms feature acting that suffers from what I call the “Stephanie Tanner syndrome” — so awkward that I have to change the channel, and can’t go back for fear of a panic attack due to extreme embarrassment for another person, which can only be cured by a long shower. The acting on Rita Rocks is good though, or at least better than like say “3rd Rock from the Sun” or the latest Brad Garrett project. And honestly, the story lines are pretty entertaining, cheesy, but funny, and not terribly trite. 

I’m not sure how the kid from “Phil of the Future”  plays the oddball boyfriend of the teenage daughter though. He must not have sold his soul to the devil, because all this time I assumed a Disney contract was harder to get out of than Auschwitz.

 

–BEAL

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