Few shows make me laugh out loud as frequently as Golden Girls. Seriously, what other show features both an incest joke and an uncle fucking a goat joke within the first sixty seconds of the program? And all this happens surrounding a cheesecake on a hideous floral table cloth! Golden Girl viewing is usually reserved for late night, 1:00 to 2:30 a.m. weeknights (minus Mondays) on Lifetime. A time of day that I can use the excuse, “Well there’s nothing else on.” But the truth is, I’ve started Tivo-ing the 8 a.m. mini-marathon just to get my fill.
Its formula is brilliant, yet criminally simple. Rose is an idiot. Blanche is a whore. Dorothy is pathetic. Sophia is senile. Okay, now write any one-liner that comes to mind about those descriptors and you’ve got yourself 24 minutes of Golden comedy. Oh, but what about a plot you ask? No problem, each episode we’ll introduce a random character into their Miami home to shake things up. Guests will range from blind or wealthy sisters, to neighbor’s babies, to the Pope. And best of all, if that gets stale, well then we’ll just pretend that Rose has an addiction to painkillers and send her to rehab.