c2lost-kate-sawyer-jack_lOk, so last week I was reading the Lost feature in Entertainment Weekly and Evangeline Lilly says something to the tune of, “The audience really wants to see me end up with Jack” and I had one of those surreal, out-of-body experiences where I wondered if Morpheus had wandered into my apartment and spiked my coffee with a red pill. Or a blue pill. Possibly both at the same time for a Morpheus Mind-Bend Cocktail.

She goes on to say that her reasoning is that she and Jack have a lot of screen time together and in her experience, screen time equals who the audience wants to see end up together. Ok, by that logic, maybe Kate should just marry Aaron. That’s the most retarded thing I have ever heard.

Is there ANYONE who wants Kate to end up with Jack? Seriously, I want to know. I’m really actually curious about this. Did the majority of Lost viewers (who, admittedly, care about this sort of thing, aka have a vagina) who read this go, “Yes, that’s right. Evangeline is very much on the nose with regards to our needs and desires concerning the romantic direction of this program.”? Is that what happened? Someone please just tell me. I just want the truth. If that’s really the case, then I will shut up and go sulk in the corner with my Joey and Pacey dolls.

Last night was a perfect example as to why the Kate-and-Jack thing does not work. Let’s try the whole “I just lost my kid out of the blue and won’t tell you why or how” angle that IMMEDIATELY and out of NOWHERE turned into “let’s have sex.” I didn’t buy it at all. No woman who is so distraught that she’s practically Cameron-comatose on the bed suddenly has enough energy to engage in Help Me Forget Sex. And Jack totally goes for it, he looks psyched about it. It’s super irritating. Even Sawyer, Mr. Insensitivity, would’ve taken a step back, for like two seconds, and thought, “You MIGHT be a little too vulnerable for this” before quickly removing his pants. Jack didn’t even think twice about it. “Awesome, she wants to be my girlfriend again. In the morning, I’ll give her orange juice!” What are you, sixteen? Why don’t you just bake her some one-night stand cookies and I’ll just writhe around in agony AGAIN.

Jack sucks. He does, I’m sorry. He’s a “good guy” who is super whiny and complainy about his issues. That is not sexy. It does not make you a romantic lead. Look, you are a HOT DOCTOR. You’ve got bank and you’ve got Neve Campbell’s phone number- make it work. Oh, boo hoo your dad was an ass hat. You self-destruct every relationship you have, welcome to America. Let’s see, do I want the whiny doctor or the hot con man who is only really noble or halfway decent when it comes to me? It’s such a dilemma.

I’m not usually so off on my story-direction instincts. I watch enough TV and movies that I generally have a good track record for guessing how things are going to go but when Lily said that, I had a total crisis of faith moment. Could I really be so off? Am I losing my touch? Pacey, hold me.

– Judi


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