How is this possible? A) that I didn’t know True Hollywood Story covered A.C. Slater and B) that anyone could fill an entire hour with Mario Lopez information. The career highlights of Mario Lopez should take no longer than 15 minutes to watch–five minutes of chair spinning, wrestling outfit wearing, jericurl sporting, homoerotic dancing Saved by the Bell footage, a mention of his Hollywood break on Kids Incorporated, some sad music playing over his stint as an Animal Planet dog and pony show host and that about covers it. . .
But waaaaaait, E! isn’t going to let us off that easy. We’ve got to bring Ms. Eva Longoria in to discuss the REAL Mario. Seriously? What did you two meet once at the ALMA Awards? Eva, but why in the hell are you following the career of Mario Lopez so closely? Go back to Wisteria Lane and keep your mouth shut.
The best quote in the show however, comes from a no-name entertainment journalist:
“Is he a church going Momma’s boy or is he this thrill seeking womanizer who can’t get enough? And its this sort of mystery and juxtaposition that keeps us profoundly interested in him.”
Seriously? Who the fuck would ever describe themselves as “profoundly interested” in Mario fucking Lopez? Oh and Mario could you go ahead and tell Gwenyth and Madonna I said hi. I assume you guys are friends from fake half-assed, I seem more exotic if I talk this way school of terrible accents. Thanks.