Dear Liz Lemon,
While other women have bigger boobs than you, no woman has as big a heart. When I saw you getting ready to go out and get nailed by a bunch of guys last night, I knew for sure it was over between us. And for the first time since the ’86 World Series, I cried. I cried like a big dumb homo. And if it was up to me we would be together forever. But there’s a new thing called “women’s liberation” which gives you women the right to choose and you have chosen to abort me. And that I must live with. So tonight, when you arrive home, I will be gone. I officially renounce my squatter’s rights. I’ll always love you. Good-bye and good luck. I’ll never forget you.