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Archive for March, 2009

Man, I really really want to like this show, but I’m just not sure I have it in me. Everything about it, should make for good television, but at some point between production and Sunday nights on AMC, the magic is lost in the airwaves. The plot is none too different from Weeds, which is probably my favorite premium cable show of all time. That being said, Breaking Bad obviously had a lot to live up to, but it stood to offer so much more dark, dark drama.

The premise is fairly simple. Walt, played by Emmy award winner Bryan Cranston, is a high school chemistry teacher, with a special needs teenage son, a pregnant wife and lung cancer. His brother is a DEA agent, and during a ride along, he discovers a former student is dealing meth and making tons of money, and decides to bribe the kid into a partnership. Obviously, as a professional Chemist, he is able to create the Holy Grail of crystal methamphetamines. 

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Season two began a few weeks ago, but I haven’t made my way to the new episodes, because I’m still battling my way through the Season one marathon I recorded before Season two began. I never thought I would complain about a show that really blows shit out of the water in every episode (after five seasons of committed Desperate Housewives watching, it’s nice for a plot to fucking move once in awhile), but the writers don’t even give me an opportunity to start to worry about what’s going on, before they punch me in the face with another crisis. 

I am intrigued by their uncommon formula for creating television drama. And I am quite sure that I would like to discover how they’re going to get away with a murder, a possible double murder, the disposal of the bodies (of which the kid dissolved one in the bathtub, not knowing that acid that ate human bones, would also burn through a porcelain tub) and continue to have a profitable meth business. However, I’m not sure there is anything great to look forward to in the final moments of the season.

I blame Dick Wolf for this. He has to behind this. He’s stretched the weekly Law & Order premise to an entire season. The adrenaline rush of finding the perp in the first thirty minutes captures your attention, but by the time Jack McCoy starts rambling on in the courtroom, serving justice one over dramatic monologue at a time, I just wish I’d fallen asleep. 

 

–BEAL

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On Saturday I helped my friends move. All day. There was talking and human interaction and a lot of physical activity involved. Therefore, I felt justified in wasting all of Sunday. So yesterday I did something I haven’t done in a very long time. I watched TV all day. Literally. And just in case you don’t believe me, here is solid proof.

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10-1pm “Million Dollar Baby” on AMC. I had never seen this movie. I want you to note the running time- 3 hours long. That’s because far from being the AMC of my childhood, the one that played glorious old movies commercial free, AMC has become a mainstream bitch and now runs decent-to-mediocre fare and plugs in about 7,000 commercials between movies like The Postman and Apollo 13.

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1-1:30pm- TiVoed “Wings” episode. Lowell’s mentor died and in tribute he finishes the plane they were working on together. I get slightly choked up. I get horrified that I’m choked up and then I check the calendar. I breath a sigh of relief. Not deranged, just hormonal. I once cried during a “Brady Bunch” episode. Sniffling at “Wings” is nothing, trust me.

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1:30 to 3:30pm- Season 1 of “Alias” on DVD, courtesy of Netflix. I think it’s kind of hilarious that “Alias” is really “Lost” meets “Felicity.” JJ Abrams is just right there in the middle with this one. Poor Jennifer Garner gets to kick ass like Buffy but then has to sit in her tub with candles lit all around her while some middling pop ballad plays in the background. It’s distracting and weird. Also, for a spy, she cries a LOT. Like, I get it- your fiance was brutally murdered but you’re a SPY. Victor Garber is your DAD and he’s Beyond Awesome. He’s also clearly unsettled that you’re so emotional and so am I.

3:30pm to 4:00- Break. Walk the dog. I would’ve ignored him but I really didn’t want to clean up his urine on the hallway floor. Would’ve been much more inconvenient for my schedule.

4-5:30pm- More “Alias.” I think Michael Vartan is kind of pathetic, all puppy-dog eyed over Sidney. Maybe he doesn’t know how hot he is. Is that possible?

1011974600__will_lAlso, Bradley Cooper, I know you’re in EVERY movie now but I can’t wait to meet you and embarrass you over your bleached blonde hair on this show.

5:30- 6:30pm- Two TiVoed episodes of “Barefoot Contessa.” Sadly, none of her gays are in attendance. I really, really want them to rename this show “Ina and Her Hampton Dandies.”

6:30-6:35pm- I die laughing at the fact that TiVo taped “Time Life Music” for me. It literally taped me a 30 minute commercial for Time Life Music of the ’70s. Then I stop laughing and realize that this is just how well TiVo knows me. I’m disturbed. I readjust myself on the couch and try not to think about it anymore. I then do a little stretching because I remember how Hillary Swank got all those bed sores from not moving enough on her hospital bed.

This is the expression I have when I see your movie is on, Elle. The beginning anyway.

This is the expression I have when I see your movie is on, Elle. The beginning anyway.

6:35- 7:30pm- A little “Legally Blonde.” I love the beginning of “Legally Blonde.” Everything until she takes the internship is top-notch. I could watch the beginning of “Legally Blonde” every time and not get over it, especially the whole section where she tries to get into Harvard. Well done all. (Another point for Victor Garber)

7:30-10pm- “The Incredibles” / Jim Gaffigan’s new stand-up special “King Baby.” Short text-fight with Beal, who refuses to watch the new Sandlot movie this week even though Luke Perry is in it. I don’t even know who she is anymore. I ate dinner somewhere here too but I don’t remember what it was.

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10-12pm- A few episodes of the “X-Men” cartoon because I could watch Cyclops yell at people for no reason for HOURS.  Interspersed with “Charlie Angels: Full Throttle” and I can’t even explain the appeal of this one. It’s so COLORFUL. The fight scenes are so hilarious and the air-brushing. My GOD, the AIR-BRUSHING. Why don’t they just peel Drew’s skin off altogether? And SHIA. And that crazy Irish dude who I am scarily attracted to. He walks through FIRE. This movie is amazing. I’m so happy it’s on but I can’t bring myself to watch the whole thing, not even for the chance to watch Joey Tribiana act in a scene with John Cleese or give Demi Moore the usual standing ovation for her truly SPECTACULAR plastic surgery.

Collapse in bed. Am exhausted. Check TV schedule for the week on my iPhone. Go to sleep, dreaming of good Gilmore Girls reruns expected this week. I hope “Heroes” is as middling-good as it was last week. Excited for new “Bones.” Angered that every new episode of Bones only comes every two weeks. Hate stupid American Idol. Wish “30 Rock” was slightly better this…year…snooze.

The End

– Judi

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picture-13Yayayayayayayay!

– Judi

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I have news for you, Studio Executives. You think I don’t want to watch women of a certain age act AND YOU ARE MISTAKEN.

Witness this weekend. Did I spend my Saturday afternoon with Kate Bosworth? Or Anne Hathaway? Or Kate Hudson (who is quickly churning out the most putrid film career since Ashton Kutcher)? NO. I ignored the skinny twats of my generation and, instead, I went with Goldie Hawn. TWICE.

6a00e54ef2e21b8833010536708bf2970b-320wiFACT: The First Wives Club is the greatest movie-on-TV ever made. I get giddy when I see that it’s going to be on. I thank the gods for networks like Oxygen, Lifetime’s slightly whorish younger sister.  Close to Under the Tuscan Sun in pure watchability-while-reclining rating.

It’s just getting better as I get older, as it gets more and more dated. The daughter’s a LESBIAN! Jessie Spano bleached her hair! Marcia Gay Harden as The Worst Therapist Ever! Hijinks! Balki! Diane Keaton screaming on the window washer platform!  SARAH JESSICA PARKER, who clearly was just recovering from If Lucy Fell, another SJP classic (while Kate Hudson has the worst career choices ever, SJP has the best of all time. Hocus Pocus, Honeymoon in Vegas, Miami Rhapsody, Girls Just Want to Have Fun, Square Pegs, Footloose, Flight of the Navigator. SJP is my childhood in a convenient 5 foot package). I’M NOT EVEN DONE! Victor Garber! Musical numbers that involve dancing down the street over end credits! Maggie Smith! And, my all time favorite, Stockard Channing in a fur with drink in hand, about to take a swan dive off her Park Avenue balcony.

FACT: The only way to wash down the endlessly satisfying FWC is with TBS. And I don’t mean “the home of My Boys.” I mean this…

banger_sistersThere are so many things about this movie that are underrated. (God, I think I saw this in the movie theater. That can’t be the case, can it?) First of all, Geoffrey Rush is in it. Shine is in The Banger Sisters and he spends most of the movie wearing a neck pillow. Sarandon’s odd little daughter is in it and she has a weird swallowing thing where she sounds like a sea gull choking on bait. Her freak out after the driver’s test is frigging amazing. The only freak out that could come close is Kat Denning’s raving meltdown in The 40 Year Old Virgin.

But obviously, it all comes back to Goldie Hawn. Dear, lovable, hilarious Goldie. I would rather spend $12 of my hard-earned unemployment money on Hawn than her wayward pixie stick daughter any day of the week, age be damned.

– Judi

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Last night’s intervention was atypical. Obviously drugs and alcohol are the basic vices for the show, but occasionally they mix it up with a gambling junkie or a non-eater/puker. There are also intermittent self-mutilator or OCD episodes, but those are usually few and far between, and generally the person is also addicted to something more substantial. Sharon, however, is unique.

I’m always a bit disappointed at Intervention when I read in the guide that the person is not an alky or drug addict. I apologize for my sick fascination with other people’s addiction’s, but drunks and druggies are always far more entertaining, and nothing beats that alcoholic/drug addict, one, two punch. So when I saw “Sharon”, Compulsive behavior, I was none too pleased.

Sadly, this woman’s childhood was absolutely tragic in ways that only A&E can find. She could not look at herself naked in a mirror, and she beat herself in the stomach up to 10 times per day. She also occasionally would stand in the kitchen and nearly stab herself repeatedly. Totally healthy.

But wait, one day she snapped. Now, if there is ONE event that I wish the Intervention crew could have captured on film, why oh why could it not have been this one? I mean, we’ve seen naked strippers solve pretend Algebra equations naked, a lady ride 25 hours in a limo with her cat and a Mormon smoking crack. Why oh why did you not capture Sharon, trying to drown her Chihuahua “Little Ricky” in the toilet????

The final black screen update portion of this episode was fairly priceless. . .

 

Sharon completed treatment and moved home with Tommy.

One week later, she hit herself.

Sharon plans to divorce Tommy.

 

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–BEAL

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After a week of vacation (temporary construction induced eviction) I returned to my apartment ready to get back into my routine. Most people probably catch up with their mail, emails, yard work, what have you when they return from some time away. I, catch up with the DVR.

Nothing is better than a weekend television marathon featuring only new episodes of my favorite shows. I should have planned ahead though, made a game plan of getting through the 12% of the hard drive that recorded this week. Instead, I jumped right in and watched my favorite shows first.

Obviously 30 Rock was viewed upon first turning on the television and opening the “my recordings” menu. Next came Real Housewives of New York City followed by Intervention. Bad idea. Now I’m onto the chore shows! Are you serious? I have to sit here, pants-less on the couch for another whole day just to be caught up with Breaking Bad, Brothers & Sisters, New Adventures of Old Christine and the Lifetime Nora Robert’s collection? 

Next time I vacation, I’m saving the best for last. No more television punishment. Must. Get. Through. Unwatched. Recordings. Wish. They. All. Featured. Liz. Lemon.

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Thanks to Self magazine, I now know that I can get hot abs in 1 minute (I doubt it) AND that Anna Faris’ cat is ALSO an actor…

2002_stuart_little_2_024namely Snow from Stuart Little. How adorable is that?

– Judi

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