I have news for you, Studio Executives. You think I don’t want to watch women of a certain age act AND YOU ARE MISTAKEN.
Witness this weekend. Did I spend my Saturday afternoon with Kate Bosworth? Or Anne Hathaway? Or Kate Hudson (who is quickly churning out the most putrid film career since Ashton Kutcher)? NO. I ignored the skinny twats of my generation and, instead, I went with Goldie Hawn. TWICE.
FACT: The First Wives Club is the greatest movie-on-TV ever made. I get giddy when I see that it’s going to be on. I thank the gods for networks like Oxygen, Lifetime’s slightly whorish younger sister. Close to Under the Tuscan Sun in pure watchability-while-reclining rating.
It’s just getting better as I get older, as it gets more and more dated. The daughter’s a LESBIAN! Jessie Spano bleached her hair! Marcia Gay Harden as The Worst Therapist Ever! Hijinks! Balki! Diane Keaton screaming on the window washer platform! SARAH JESSICA PARKER, who clearly was just recovering from If Lucy Fell, another SJP classic (while Kate Hudson has the worst career choices ever, SJP has the best of all time. Hocus Pocus, Honeymoon in Vegas, Miami Rhapsody, Girls Just Want to Have Fun, Square Pegs, Footloose, Flight of the Navigator. SJP is my childhood in a convenient 5 foot package). I’M NOT EVEN DONE! Victor Garber! Musical numbers that involve dancing down the street over end credits! Maggie Smith! And, my all time favorite, Stockard Channing in a fur with drink in hand, about to take a swan dive off her Park Avenue balcony.
FACT: The only way to wash down the endlessly satisfying FWC is with TBS. And I don’t mean “the home of My Boys.” I mean this…
There are so many things about this movie that are underrated. (God, I think I saw this in the movie theater. That can’t be the case, can it?) First of all, Geoffrey Rush is in it. Shine is in The Banger Sisters and he spends most of the movie wearing a neck pillow. Sarandon’s odd little daughter is in it and she has a weird swallowing thing where she sounds like a sea gull choking on bait. Her freak out after the driver’s test is frigging amazing. The only freak out that could come close is Kat Denning’s raving meltdown in The 40 Year Old Virgin.
But obviously, it all comes back to Goldie Hawn. Dear, lovable, hilarious Goldie. I would rather spend $12 of my hard-earned unemployment money on Hawn than her wayward pixie stick daughter any day of the week, age be damned.