I rarely discuss my affinity for the denizens of Wisteria Lane, but in the wake of Sunday’s season finale, I think it’s important to re-evaluate my loyalty to this program. Admittedly, this show is absolutely ridiculous. Angela Lansbury saw fewer mystery deaths in Cabot Cove than these characters see in a month! Still, I can’t turn it off. Mostly because I LOVE Karen McClusky and everything she says and does.
Obviously the big story line this season was Edie’s new husband Crazy Dave. I realize, that as the viewer, I am privy to Dave’s private activities that reveal to me, and not to his peers, that he is batshit insane. But come on! He has the devil in his eyes, he rides a beach cruiser around the neighborhood like the Wicked Witch of the West and all of his behavior suggests that he is a total sociopath/serial killer. Obviously though, no one would come to this conclusion until the last 25 minutes of the season, when Dave INSISTS on taking Susan and her wind-up doll of a kid on a fishing trip, so that he can kill the child while Susan watches to punish her for killing his wife/daughter in a car accident five years prior. I will say that I applaud the darkness of this scenario and yet a part of me knows deep inside, that it’s too dark for network prime-time, and so I know too soon that this obnoxious spawn of Susan and Mike Delfino will survive Dave’s plan. (Suggestion: Dave, save yourself the trouble of plotting an untraceable murder, and just open up M.J.’s back and remove the battery.)
Anyway, as we all know, Susan and M.J. survive and Susan and Mike make out. Like, seriously, how many seasons are going to end with us wondering if Mike and Susan are FINALLY going to make it work?
Oh I don’t know, probably about as many times as we have to hear Tom Scavo complain that he failed at life? Or as many times as Carlos and Gaby come in and out of money?Perhaps as many times as Bree and Orson arrive at an ultimatum? Maybe as many times as Carl Mayer sleeps with one of the housewives? Or as many times as a manipulative bitch moves in with a Wisteria family? As many times as Lynette’s been pregnant?
I could go on, but the point, Marc Cherry, is this: think of a new story line, or this dedicated fan, and her homo-viewing companion are officially, considering, maybe, only watching the season premiere.