I don’t know why I do this to myself. I get so invested in a television program that the only place it can take me is to disappointment town, which the fifth season premiere of Weeds did in droves. What happened to the simple premise of suburban-widow-slings-pot?
Ohhh right, she got involved with L.A. gangs, arson, human trafficking, the DEA and the Mexican mafia. Seriously Jenji Kohan? Haven’t you “pushed the envelope” far enough?
Last season ended with Nancy Botwin (my best friend and yours, Mary Louise Parker) revealing to the Tijuana mayor/Mexican crime boss/father of her unborn child, that she was pregnant, which put a crimp in his PLAN TO KILL HER. Hmm, I wonder if the star of the show is going to be murdered? Or if somehow her life will be spared.
Enough is enough. I get it, the Botwin family is alternative, and things don’t affect them the same way as things affect other people because they lost a husband/father, and their mom is a drug dealer and a part-time arsonist (and technically a murderer). But now you’re forcing me to believe that this family is having a casual conversation (“So when’s the abortion?”) about this ridiculous situation in their kitchen over diet sodas? Before the boys wrestle on the floor? Oh right, then the older one packs up his marijuana plants in camping backpacks so he can hike through San Diego county searching for the perfect outdoor growing space, while the younger son (who reached puberty in the off-season) is shipped off to Oakland to live with Nancy’s sister–which is just as well, all adolescents should be shipped off during that phase, I don’t like to feel as awkward as they look, and I hate missing important plot points while I wash my hands in the kitchen.
Also, we’ve got Celia (Elizabeth Perkins, love her!) being held for ransom somewhere in rural Mexico by her piece of shit oldest daughter Quinn, whom we haven’t seen since the pilot?
These absurdities better go somewhere, and fast, because I can’t handle a shark-jumping fiasco right now. I JUST CAN’T!