Ruby & The Rockits

by Beal

Well, it looks like I’m a little late to the abc Family summer premiere season, and all the good shows were taken. Enter Ruby & The Rockits. A nice little sitcom about two former pop stars David and Patrick Gallgher (played by David and Patrick Cassidy, we’ll come back to this) who haven’t gotten along since the band broke up. Patrick now has a nice wife, two sons (a tween and a teen) and works at a car dealership. David, however, performs nightly at the hotel/casino where he resides. Who’s Ruby (Alexa Vega), you might wonder? Oh, she’s the daughter David forgot about until she rolled into the club one day and was like, “Oh hi I’m Ruby, your daughter.” Of course right after he told her he didn’t give autographs–HILARIOUS. Or not. 

Ruby_aboutShow367by260The target audience for this show is completely unidentifiable. I’m watching it (then again I’ll watch anything), am I the target demo? Is this for young children who are generally attracted to these Hannah Montana or Jonas Brothers type of programs? Is this for my parent’s generation, who were at one time responsible for the thrusting of David Cassidy into teen idoldom? And how the hell did that ever happen? Sheesh. For the love of Partridge, he looked like a woman! And yes, I get the ambiguity appeal, NKOTB weren’t exactly super masculine, but there’s Jonathan Knight and there’s David Cassidy, come on.

Also, in Ruby & The Rockits it is portrayed that David & Patrick’s band The Rockits, were a popular glam rock band in the late 1980’s. Really, Cassidy? You think washed up 80’s hair metal musician is a better image than washed up 70’s pop singer? You’re not fooling anyone, and your face contains more plastic than the Octomom’s, which I thought was an insurmountable feat. Who would have ever predicted that Patrick, yes Patrick, the sort of odd faced, permed Cassidy would turn out to be a relatively attractive Silver Fox? It doesn’t hurt that he gets to stand next to his nearly midget, melt-face brother I guess.


Back to the show. It’s awful, but it’s scheduled to record. I think it will fill the void that That’s So Raven left when its star, Denise Huxtable Jr.’s Disney contract ended, and they shipped her off to some undisclosed location, until she can emerge triumphantly, in true Disney fashion, with a substance abuse problem, chronic fatigue syndrome and a misfit alky boyfriend or girlfriend.


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