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Archive for the ‘Profiler’ Category

by Beal & Judi

Cybill-Shepherd_Full

Judi: OMG CYBILL

BEAL

THIS IS HUGE
season passing immediately
Beal: right?!!
that literally happened
i had a conversation about DYING to watch that show
and nothing i could do about it
and then, Lifetime coughed it up
Judi: it’s incredible
what else should we ask for?
i could go for some “Head of the Class”
hotc
Judi: ask for “Head of the Class” for me
maybe on…. We.
Beal: okay
i’ll work on it
i like, for real can’t believe it
cybill!?!? where did that come from?
i watched it last night
JUDI, it’s fucking hilarious
they mock the shit out of LA and the people in “the industry” and their families
Judi: omg i’m so excited. i just season passed it and it’s set to tape like a hundred episodes next week
by this time next week i’ll be like “fucking cybill”

Beal: i have my dvr saving only 3 episodes
Judi: and that’s really funny that you say that about alicia witt because it’s EXACTLY how i remember her too

Beal: we might be the only people that do that
mrholland
Judi: “oh look, cybill’s daughter is in Mr. Holland’s Opus. Nice for her.”

Beal: and actually, i think you and i had a discussion about it before
Judi: did we?
Beal: i was like, “the daughter from cybil l was in it” and you were like, “oh.” didn’t bat an eye, knew exactly what i meant. i committed that to memory
Judi: hmmm
interesting
i’m not really surprised
a little saddened but not surprised
Beal: i think it was
because
i watched a movie in which she was raped
and it was a terrible movie anyway, and then like, what you raped cybill’s daughter, stop
Judi: i remember watching Two Weeks Notice and being like “wow, Cybill’s daughter has really turned into a bitch”
2002_two_weeks_notice_008
ugh that movie is so bad.
Beal: oh yeeeaa
btw
can we talk about real housewives ending
Simon’s final outfit
WOW
Picture 11
Judi: WOW INDEED
i feel bad too because Alex actually looked halfway decent
Beal: like, actually the most offensive part to me
was the like, scoop neck t shirt underneath
Judi: i’d have been pissed
UGH HE IS SO GROSS
Beal: SICKENING
i did love
that the final scene
he and ramona are obviously shithoused dancing like that
Picture 9

i loved that they almost forgot to give kelly her “award”
Judi: kelly might be the stupidest human being on television ever
and i’ve seen audrina on the hills
huh?

huh?

Beal: i would vote for her
Judi: they must be related
Beal: yea, “nooo judie
stop”
[frowny 3rd grader face]
eeewww sttooooop.
i don’t know how the fuck she got a degree from columbia

Judi: i’m confused as to why she dressed like a whore on her birthday invite
kelly invite

and then went dressed like she was going to pick up Bridget Fonda and the rest of the cast from Singles
 

wtf Kelly?

wtf Kelly?

 

Beal: i’m confused why she threw a party in her house and didn’t know anyone there
hahahaha
i LOVE singles
Judi: because she sucks?
singles is great
21d
Beal: top 10 maybe
Judi: starring The Closer?
This door just confessed, y'all

This door just confessed, y'all

just great
Beal: which now reminds me
i need to finish watching the profiler
Whatever, you'll always be Ashley Bartlett Bacon to me

Whatever, you'll always be Ashley Bartlett Bacon to me

do you watch weeds?
Judi: no i don’t have The Showtime
i’m still plowing through Alias on Netflix
alias
Beal: have you dvd’d it at all?
weeds

its one of my faves, like top five easy
Judi: i heard the last season hasn’t been as good though
care to comment?
Beal: and i just watched all 4 seasons in two weeks
the fourth season, they really blew shit out of the water
it’s kind of a different show than it once was, but they obviously have to keep like, one upping, cause there can’t be four seasons of “suburban widow sells dime bags”
season 3 is the best (i’ve watched 1-3 probably 5 times)
but 4 is cool because she gets involved in bigger crimes, which is the only way the show could keep going
Judi: hmmmm
i enjoy MLP
Mary Louise Parker

Mary Louise Parker

Beal: LOVE HER
love her
Judi: “Boys on the Side” was on the other day
photo_lrg

can i just say
the scene where she takes control of the nick situation is maybe the most brilliant in shitty-movie history
Beal: i would have to rewatch to comment
been a long as time
Judi: so so good
she’s dressed like a real estate agent and just comes in and handles everything
as if someone is freaking out over spilling something on the couch instead of a drugged out maniac beating up Drew Barrymore
Beal: then you would love weeds

Judi: ok done
SOLD
Beal: that’s kind of her character
she like, enters a super fucked up situation, and she handles it like someone broke a plate
but then sometimes, when shit really hits the fan, she has like, really great like meltdowns, that are always very rational and you like, really feel for her
she’s great
Judi: ok i’m with you
man, thank god for netflix
Beal: i don’t have it
Judi: uh oh
Netflix will let me watch Weeds season 1 and 2 on my computer
this could be a problem
Beal: DO IT
you’ll fall in LOVE
it has really great characters in it, which is actually why i like it
fuckin Kevin Nealon is great
kevin-nealon
Judi: wow i never thought i would ever hear anyone say that about kevin nealon
Beal: and elizabeth perkins
she really takes the cake
elizabeth_perkins
Judi: i LOVE elizabeth perkins
randomly enough
LOVE LOVE LOVE
Beal: oh my god, judi, a must watch then
Indian Summer???
Judi: OMG INDIAN SUMMER
indiansummer3
Beal: YES!
Judi: liz and i JUST watched that!
Beal: no one else has ever seen it!
but fuck
it has perkins
and diane lane
kimberly williams
its terrible
but great
alan fuckin arkin
i OWN indian summer
Judi: i said to liz- “i wonder if diane lane and elizabeth perkins were excited to work together again on ‘must love dogs’
and liz said, “I’m worried about you for so many reasons.”
WTF are Rizzo and Dermot Mulroney (aka the Poor Man's Dylan McDermott) doing there?

WTF are Rizzo and Dermot Mulroney (aka the Poor Man's Dylan McDermott) doing there? Oh wait. Are they IN the movie?

Beal: SAME THING I SAID WHEN I SAW THE TRAILER
essentially
Judi: ok seriously that’s just fucked up
Beal: i was like, “oh, i bet they’re friends from indian summer”
alright
i have to go to work
Judi: You got a job?
Beal is offline…

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Well, I had every intention of cutting back on television due to my apparent addiction to the Lifetime network. I thought it best to just cut myself off cold turkey, return to the television set when I felt strong enough to not flip immediately to a sappy afternoon movie. Oh how happy those make me. At any rate, my detox was cut short when a special package arrived in the mail.

profiler-show

Profiler Season 1 arrived yesterday. O!M!G! 

Now, I watched this show when it aired on NBC from 1996 – 2000, and occasionally I would catch a rerun on A&E. However, until now I was never (as my adult self) able to sit down and enjoy this twisted ass premise until now.

So get this:

Sam Waters (Ally Walker)  is an FBI profiler, like the best one ever. She’s not psychic necessarily, but she has an extraordinary gift. When she sees a crime scene, she can imagine almost exactly what took place, which the viewer gets to see in black and white, grainy, blood stained flashback cuts. Her real talent though, is profiling the victim and then the assailant so as to narrow down who might have done such atrocious things–and atrocious they are, this show makes even the latter years of SVU seem like episodes of Ghost Writer. It also features like, half the cast of Nip/Tuck.

But that’s not all. In addition to a one hour here’s the crime, here’s the suspects, plot twist, got the guy, roll credits we also have a continuing saga in Sam’s life. Apparently, at some juncture, a serial killer she was investigating became aware of her crazy profilin style, considering her his one and only intellectual equal, he made a game out of fucking with her. She pulled herself off the case, and he murdered her husband. She retired from the FBI and went into hiding (only Agent Bailey Malone knew her whereabouts). And wouldn’t you know it, episode one, ol’ Bailey needs some help finding a serial killer, that may or may not be the resurfaced Jack of All Trades.

Hmmm, who would this most torment on a total emotional and psychological level?. . . Sam?! I should go by her house. Consider this fantastic crime drama, initiated.

–BEAL

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