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Archive for the ‘Kendra’ Category

by Judi

Such is the question to ask oneself while watching The Girls Next Door spin-off Kendra.

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I’m now going to admit something now that may shock you. I have little use for the E! Network.

I know. I know. Try to contain yourself and let me explain. Or rather, I guess the programming explains itself. Still, there was a time when E! was the first channel I went to, out of sheer habit. Perhaps there would be a fascinating THS (True Hollywood Story for the uninitiated) on the cast of Blossom or Seal and God forbid I miss THAT. In its hey day, I had one-season wonders like Love is in the Heir and Taradise to giggle over and network stalwarts like Talk Soup (which is still good as long as it’s in Joel McHale’s capable hands) and yes, I enjoyed shows like The Girls Next Door which, though it’s about a bunch of loopy Playboy bunnies, is far less smuttier than Keeping Up With The Kardashians (blatant fame whoring being so more revolting than a little honest full-frontal nudity).

These days, the only reason I wander over to E! is to find out who poor Chelsea Handler is forced to interview from her own brain-dead network. And I could be petty and tell you exactly what the final straw was that forced my break-up with E! but  I won’t sully this blog with her name or the TV show in her name THAT WAS RENEWED FOR A SECOND SEASON.

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Where was I? Oh, right. Kendra.

Watching Kendra is kind of like watching your retarded cousin’s dance recital. At some point, you clap but it’s really just a mixture of encouragement, pity and horror. If your retarded cousin dances her way through the introduction to some ridiculous hip hop song set to her name, then you do what I did which was shriek, “This isn’t happening!” and busy myself in the bathroom for five minutes until the madness was over.

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And look, I really liked The Girls Next Door. I found it FASCINATING that Hugh Hefner was acting out this little sociological experiment- three hot girlfriends under thirty (except for Bridget, I think) all living under one roof, sharing him like a shiek. It’s the same reason why I love hearing about the Mormons. I was also intrigued by how the three filled their days- talking like little girls, playing with their brood of dogs and kittens, hosting dress-up parties, commiserating in horror over Hef’s ex-girlfriends. The subtle Machiaveliness of Hollie trying to undermine her two “friends” while not-so-subtly cooing to Hef that she wanted to marry him and have a baby, Bridget’s incredibly creepy lifelong obsession to be in Playboy magazine and going so far as to show a picture of her as a TODDLER staring longingly at her father’s jizz-covered subscription on the coffee table… etc, etc.

And Kendra. It was hard NOT to like Kendra.  sexy_kendra_wil110_largeShe was twenty-one years old and completely devoid of schemes, too sweetly dumb and easy-going to have any emotional baggage. She only really cared about working out, sports, hip hop and The Olive Garden. You quickly got the impression that if someone got Kendra a room over a garage in hell but stuck a treadmill, a TV and a box of powdered donuts in there, she’d be just fine. There’s low maintenance and then there’s homeless-person crazy and Kendra towed the line perfectly. After feeling all that exhausting pity for Bridget and Hollie (especially Bridget, screaming Daddy Issues in her pig-tails and her princess room, nursing dreams of being the next Diane Sawyer), Kendra’s messy room was a welcome break.

But Lord. Who thought it was a good idea to give her a show of her own? Because while she was a welcome respite on The Girls Next Door, on Kendra, there is NO respite from Kendra herself. Watch her giggle madly at the bridal salon and irritate the salespeople with her big, honking laugh and clueless questions. Watch her eyes glaze over as she wonders if she had the cable hooked up.  Watch her mother’s face as her only daughter responds to her question about having no furniture- “Who moves into a house WITH furniture?” Um, everybody does, honey. EVERYBODY.

While I enjoyed (if by enjoy, you mean covering my eyes with horror and saying things like, “Does she seriously not know the difference between an orange and a PRUNE?”) last night’s premiere, I think it’s going to be a while before I drift over E!’s way again. Sure, I’ll continue haunting Chelsea and Joel but the original programming? I’d be better off watching my own smelly trash.

And oh, Hank? Honey, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? You seem normal and down-to-earth in a way that’s distressingly similiar to Nick Lachey and we all know what happened there. I know she’s got nice boobs and all but really? I want you to really think about this. Doesn’t it seem a little bit like you just proposed to a twelve year old girl on the playground?

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by Beal

I’m with Judi. May brings both joy, as seasonal affective disorder has finally run it’s course, yet, sadness, because my favorite programs go on MONTHS LONG hiatus (hiatuses?). However, then I remember that some of my all time favorite shows began as summer trials (Do Beverly Hills, 90210 or It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia ring any bells?) That, and I saved the season finale of 30 Rock in case things get ugly. That said, I am actually looking quite forward to this summer’s new programming schedule for the following reasons:

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1) Weeds Season 5 premiers on Showtime on Monday, June 8 at 10 p.m. This is my show, I mean, I have A LOT of shows, but this truly is my current favorite, and the fact that it airs during an otherwise bleak programming season doesn’t hurt either. Seriously, treat yourself to the recession-era luxury that is Showtime for a couple months. You will not be disappointed. And for anyone who’s unconvinced, I think their late night programming rivals that of Cinemax.

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2) Intervention returns with all new episodes to A&E on Monday, May 25 at 9 p.m. I’ve got to hand it to them, they continuously find really effed up people to feature in this show, so much so that last season only ended about a month ago.  And I’m not just saying this, but after viewing this program, I will never even consider huffing computer duster or selling my grandmother’s TV for heroin money. Also, check out Obsessed which premiers right after Intervention, and seems like it follows a similar format, but instead of drug and alcohol problems, they attempt to counsel (cough: exploit) people with mental disorders.

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3) Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood new season airs Tuesday, May 26 at 10 p.m. on Oxygen. I don’t even hate to admit, in fact I’m borderline proud to admit, that I really enjoy this show. The Spellings (and by Spellings I do not include Candy and Randy) are likable people. Yes, they are probably ruining their children’s chances at normalcy, but read sTORI Telling and then tell me if you’d know any better. I do however hate them for thinking that they can dress up like the Ricardo’s. Just stop, you’re fun and funny and all, and I love that you’re BFF with Jennie Garth in real life, but you are, and never will be ACTUAL television royalty. (Oh and please pass that message on to Debra Messing as well, thanks.)
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4) Michael and Michael Have Issues begins Wednesday, July 15 on Comedy Central. I haven’t heard much about this show, nor am I really aware of what the premise is. What I do know is that it stars Michael Showalter and Michael Ian Black, and not the other, less funny guy from Stella, so I’m excited. Plus Paul Rudd is likely to guest star. “You taste like a burger. I don’t like you anymore.”

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5) So I don’t LOVE reality television, yes it has it’s moments, but mostly it’s existence infuriates me, usually because it forces me to watch television through the tiny space between my fingers, as it requires me to cover my face and ears out of shear embarrassment for all parties involved. Somehow though, Kendra Wilkinson doesn’t elicit that emotion. Perhaps it’s because she really legitimately is, the stupidest person I’ve ever seen, and thus I feel like, “What better place is there for her to exist than both in the Playboy Mansion and on Sunday nights at 10 on E!”

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6) So the advertisements for this Lifetime Original movie Maneater (brought to you by Vasoline, sick) are slightly misleading. I’m not sure if it was my blood alcohol content or if I just wasn’t paying proper attention, but until just looking this up online, I was under the impression that it was a mini-series, not a one shot MFTVM. Why then, would I put it on my list of things to look forward to this summer? Because EVERY SECOND that Lifetime isn’t airing Army Wives is something I look forward to.

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